Transitus Tiber

For Antonia:
After watching their show on BBC America, I decided that perhaps purchasing their cleaning book would be helpful.
For Antonia + everyone else:
Yesterday Elise started walking with her push-behind (that colorful thing to Elise's left). No more Mama help!! Greg and I think it's the last step (no pun intended) before she's walking all by herself, no Mama, no push-behind, nothing.

One of the under-developed themes of my blog is the issue of modesty. Pre-conversion I can say that I dressed pretty floozy like, and had no problems "dressing for attention". Since my conversion, marriage, and birth; I've reigned my dressing in to something considerably more modest than how I was dressing.

Colleen Hammond's book has popped up on several websites dealing with modesty, sometimes good and sometimes bad. I've come across her book mentioned while studying about modesty, but never had an opportunity until now to read it.

I'll admit it – I really like this book. Her writing style is rough around the edges – I think she could do a much better job of making different themes flow together and be more cohesive than she has them in her book. It's not that she skips around or anything, but I see Mrs. Hammond as having a lot of information to tell and she just can't wait to get it all out. So, she states an idea, expands for a couple pages, then goes onto a similar idea. She, in essence, is doing what my professors called a "data dump". I'm reminded of my Earth Science Writing professor who was so frustrated with me for the semester because I basically did a data dump while writing about gas hydrates. Mrs. Hammond also drops her citations tremendously in Chapters 3 and 4 – which is unfortunate, as that's dealing with the history of fashion and the Church's response to the changing fashions. The citations are there, but not as often as in the first two chapters. Something that was drilled into my head in University was always over-cite, never under-cite. It's hard keeping the momentum up and looking up material, but it really shows you're doing your research and adds to your credibility.

While I don't fall into the "women wearing pants is forbidden" camp, I do fall into the "gee, I like to look like a woman so I wear skirts every day" camp. In addition to the history of fashion and the Church's response to various challenges to modesty; the book also mentions another aspect of femininity – behavior. It doesn't make sense to wear skirts and dresses if you walk like a moose. I know, because I do walk like a moose. She includes a suggested modest checklist, discussing various ways you can have wardrobe malfunctions and how to combat them.

I think Mrs. Hammond should stay on top of the modesty challenges of today, the Church's response to them (be it through the Saints, Popes, documents, etc) and release newer editions of her book as time marches forward. It took me 1 day – with Elise – to read this book, so it's not like it's laden down with Big Heavy Theology. This book will most likely fall into the "will read again" pile that I have going (and growing).

This review was written as part of the Catholic book Reviewer program from The Catholic Company. Visit The Catholic Company to find more information on Dressing With Dignity.

Once upon a time, I had a good friend. I was friends with this person for quite some time, then things went totally south. Naturally, this hurt. At the same time I was beginning my conversion to Catholicism, they were also converting to an anti-Catholic religion. I'm sure you can understand the friction that developed. Despite trying to explain Catholicism, this person was closed off to listening and basically; we stopped speaking all together.

However. This person started having hard times, and had emailed me for advice. We resumed talking, and I was completely overjoyed. This person is a good person, a great friend, a good listener, and a lot of fun to be around with. I was expecting that despite our beliefs, we could get along and we would be friends again - maybe not Best Friends For Ever but you know, someone to talk to, to discuss what we do have in common in belief, that sort of thing.

As of last night, I have come to the realization that that won't ever happen. Things are beginning to erode, and go back to how they were before we just stopped talking all together. I don't think this person was taking advantage of me, and I was and am more than happy to provide support when it's needed. But as I was thinking about this whole situation, it dawned on me. This is the risk of love: to give something of yourself - in this case, what I had told this person before things got weird, a situation I had gone through that I thought would help them see where I was coming from; only to get totally trashed in return. I went into this ordeal expecting that we would be able to put the differences aside, and came out realizing that even though we didn't (couldn't?); that I got the realization of what Love vs. love is: vulnerability. I hate making myself vulnerable, but only authentic love has that vulnerability.

Our Lord showed us that Love - He gave something much more than an ear and a discussion; He gave His Life. And so many people reject Him, His Church, His Life, everything about Him - but He still did it.

I don't think I'll ever be able to shut out this friend of my life totally. While I won't be actively seeking them out, if they should need me; I'll be here. I love them too much to write them off all together.

One of the things I want to work on is my lack of discipline, motivation, perseverance, fortitude - that moving forward when things are hot and sticky outside and all you really want to do is lie somewhere with a book and a cold glass of water. And let Elise splash in her pool. Instead, she naps on my back in her Ergo and I have to do laundry. And while laundry is one of my favorite sports, I was not feeling the laundry love today. But, it's done and folded, and put away. I still have buttons to sew on and shirts to iron and whatnot.

On days like this, I have to make sure I'm living in reality - my vocation is wife and mother, and that means I get to do stuff that I'd rather not do. I could leave the laundry pile up, or the dishes undone; but how does that help Greg, myself, or Elise? How does that accomplish what I'm here to do? Then I simply offer it up to Christ so He can use it as He pleases. The work becomes not just folding socks and skivs, but doing my small part in the eternal scheme of things. It doesn't make things easier or fun, but at least it helps me to remember the Big Picture.

And on that note, I'm going to do some sewing. I have to topstitch Elise's diaper that I made for her, as well as one I made for a friend's baby. Tomorrow my folks are coming to visit, so there's not going to be a lot of time this weekend to do stuff.

A little late, but here's my Hearts for Home list for this week:

In today’s busy and aggressive society mothers at home are not given much encouragement to be committed to their role in being home.

In my weekly 'Hearts for Home' post I am encouraging myself and others to commit to thinking about what 4-6 things we can do each week to bring our thoughts, prayers and actions to keeping our 'Hearts for Home'.

I am praying that a spirit of gentleness, generosity in thoughts and time along with loveliness and grace would lead us to be all that God wants us to be.

I pray also that each person involved in 'Hearts for Home' would also pray for any others involved as well.

May you be blessed by this initiative. I pray it brings you and your family many blessings.

So each week list 4-6 things you will commit to that will keep your "Hearts for Home'.

1. Let Greg decompress when he comes home from work before launching into anything negative that happened during the day.
2. Keep making sure the dishes are done (or at least, off the counters and table) before Greg comes home.
3. Read more about my beautiful vocation as wife and mother (like Mulieris Dignitatem - on the Dignity of Women)
4. Curtail use of the Internet, including a weekly Internet fast for special intentions and those in need of prayer.
5. Stay faithful to the Divine Office. I'm using Jen's experiment as inspiration.

In the last 10 months I have not slept more than 4 hours at a time (well, maybe that one time before her 4 month check up she slept 6 hours, but still). I have never been as worried as I was when she had jaundiced/didn't pee/started gagging on avocado/started standing and falling down. Thank God she has never been sick - no colds, no infections, no serious diaper rashes, nothing. Even when I had strep, she was fine. Her teething has been the worst we've had to deal with, which is still hard on us but considering what other people go through, incredibly easy. It has been amazing watching her develop from a snuggly newborn who just looked around to a little curious toddler (almost!), getting into every.single.thing possible and discovering how awesome the world is.

I love watching and hearing her sing at Mass. I love watching her touch the statues in the Cathedral, or wave to Monsignor. I love how easy-going she is and tries to touch other people's noses and eyes. I love how she lets the Liturgical Coordinator hold her when he's waiting for the hymn to be over during the Offertory. I love how curious she is, how content, and how small she is. Her littleness has really been hard for Greg and I to deal with. But I think I'm accepting it, in the sense that this is how she is and even though she still isn't more than 14# and most people think she's 3 months old (what), I don't feel like I have to make excuses for her, other than this is how God made her and not everyone is going to be on the upper end of the growth chart. Her body, head, and brain are growing and developing.

Did I mention how much I love my little Elise? How absolutely perfect she is? And how blessed I am, and grateful, and humbled that I am her Mama, the person who feeds her with her body, the one who, with Greg; will instruct her in the ways of God and teach her right from wrong, and God willing - see her in Heaven.

::sniff sniff:: Motherhood is awesome. Hands down. Even when it gets hard (which it does), I don't ever want to go back to how things were. Because even at their happiest (our wedding, my graduation, etc); they are like the worst days of my life in comparison to a bad day with Elise.

Our TV is still broke. We talked this week about what to do with it. We originally were going to try and fix it, and just end up using it again.

However.

We took stock of our situation. We have a TV in our room that we never watch, mainly due to Elise sleeping in there. And the one in the living room that died. We decided to just get rid of the dead one in our living room (as in, return it to Greg's parents, the rightful owners; they want to take it to the repairman), move the (smaller) one from our bedroom to the living room and call it good.

However.

Once we move to the New Awesome House (have I mentioned that the foundation is being poured for that?) we're not getting a huge cable line up. If at all. We'll keep the TV for movies and video games; but we're finding that we really didn't miss TV that much. Granted, it's nice to watch EWTN but it's not a requirement of the Faith.

Greg has enjoyed the talking, the romping with Elise, more time in prayer, more time reading, doing hobbies ... actually getting up off the couch and doing stuff. Novel concept, that doing stuff, ya know?

As you may (or may not) know, I'm a total "Sheeniac". I guess one would say that I have a (big) devotion to the good Archbishop. I think I'll forego mentioning my special connection with him - unless someone out there is interested.

Anyways.

This CD is reflections by Archbishop Sheen on Our Lord's Passion and Resurrection. At first, I was kind of leary as it says on the package "Narrated by Matthew Arnold". I thought it would be Mr. Arnold reading Archbishop Sheen's words, but it's not. Mr. Arnold offers an introduction on the good Archbishop, reads the appropriate Bible verses, and offers listeners where to find more Archbishop Sheen at the end of the CD. I don't know what translation is used for the verses - the packaging says "the traditional Catholic Translation of the Bible" - which to me means "Douay-Rheims". But, since it's not explicitly stated, I can't say it is. There's music in the background which actually isn't as distracting as I was anticipating it to be. It kind of helped me focus in on Archbishop Sheen's words.

The format is a reading from the Bible - such as the Last Supper, followed by Archbishop Sheen's thoughts on that particular part of Our Lord's Passion (so, his reflections and insight on the Last Supper, if we follow the example). The entire CD isn't very long, but not overly short. There are many nuggets worth thinking about offered by Archbishop Sheen, such as pointing out that Our Lord refers to His Death as His Hour, and His Resurrection as His Day - thus, evil may last an hour, but glory lasts a day - glory always lasts longer than evil.

The audio is great, although it at times sounds like Archbishop Sheen is talking on the phone, but considering that these recordings were most likely done when he was younger (he did in 1979, I would estimate these were originally recorded in the 50's); you can clearly understand what's saying. So no big problems there.

I would recommend this CD for anyone who has a devotion to Archbishop Sheen, as well as for people who may not have a deep grasp on the Passion and Resurrection and just what that means. What Our Lord's death and Resurrection really accomplished. There's no way over your head theology, but not so broken down that the Mystery and Sacredness is lost.

Find out more information on The True Meaning of Easter (CD) and a link to purchase this CD over at the The Catholic Company.

The TV broke a couple days ago. I noticed that it would turn on and randomly shut itself off a couple weeks ago, now it's totally toast. We need to take it into the TV repairman and see how much it will be to get fix and see if it's worth it. At any rate, my standard of watching some TV (or at least, catch up on the shows we have on the DVR) during Elise's naps and in the evening is gone. It's been a change, but an interesting one.

For starters, since we don't sit and veg in front of the TV in the evenings, Greg and I are getting stuff done. Like talking more to each other. He's beginning to read through his (I swear) 740 pound book on for a CISSP certification. I'm sewing more (mama cloth!) and finding time to read (currently Abandonment to Divine Providence). In the daytime, there is more SILENCE - which at first freaked me out but now I'm finding comforting. Much like when I went to the Monastery - I grew to love the silence there. I have more time for prayer. I'm not inundated with sleazy culture or the 7 news channels. Granted, I do miss EWTN; but if I need it I can stream it online.

I kind of like having the TV broken. Much like parenthesis in this post.

At any rate, having the TV gone has made me re-evaluate how much TV I watched in the past and how much I want to watch in the future. It also makes me think about situations with annoyances - how I handle those. I could easily have filled the void of TV with Relevant Radio, but instead I chose silence. And it's being quite fruitful. There are a ton of situations every day that are annoying, frustrating, hard, or just exhausting. How do I deal with them? Am I open to stepping outside my comfort zone and letting the Good Lord fill them with His Presence, His Holy Spirit? Or do I substitute one comfort for another?

Questions that all have answers, even if I don't want to admit what they are.

Yesterday I mentioned that everyone's routine got messed up. Poor Elise has been getting rocked by solid foods (in a not good way), resulting in us giving her a LOT of prune juice. Greg was having issues with his shunt hurting him and could only work half a day of work. There's stuff I'm personally involved in that is wearing on me. Any and all routine went out the window yesterday.

When I say "routine", I don't mean a rigid schedule. Elise is a lot like me, in that I need some semblance of "what comes next" to really thrive. Since birth we have had Elise on a 'on demand' way of life - which has worked wonderfully for us and we totally love it. However, Elise is getting older. We're slowly introducing structure into her life as a way to combat her plethora of naps in the day time and her "snacking" on the breast. What I've done that's been the most beneficial for our little cupcake is get her down from 5-6 one hour naps to 2 (or 3) longer naps. I don't go in after say, 1 hour 45 minutes and wake her up. If she falls asleep at 8a - like this morning - if she wakes up at 9:30a, 10a; that's fine. We've also been blocking out stimulus to help her spend longer on the breast and not snack / be distracted and then get hungry a short time later. We also have been giving her a set bedtime and wake-up time.

So, our routine is something like this:
6am: Greg and I wake up, eat breakfast, Internet, etc.
7am: E-muffins is up, diaper changed, fed, clothed. Playtime until first nap.
Sometime between 8 and 9 - nap #1 (average 90 minutes)
9:30/10:30 - eat, diaper, play time!
Noon: Greg comes home for lunch.
1pm: upstairs to play with Uncle BIL (home on 60 day leave) and Grandma.
2pm: Nap #2 (average 2 hours)
4pm: Eat and diaper, play with Grandpa.
5pm: Greg home, dinner time.
6pm: Wind-down - bath time, good night kisses from grandparents + Uncle, read books, cuddle
7pm: Bedtime

(And of course, she's getting more changes than outlined here).

It works well for us because I can flex it - move the morning nap early, like today; thanks to being not up to snuff or for Play 'n' Pray; I can move it late if she sleeps in or just isn't tired. The big stretch - the ~10am - 2pm is the key - lots of play, solids, she gets to see Greg and her uncle AND Grandma - it's just really good for her all around. Pray 'n' Play fits in there perfectly (10a-noon on Wednesdays). The whole bedtime thing is also working well. Long-time readers may remember me saying her bedtimes were around 11pm! OY!

With the implementation of the routine, she has effortlessly moved into her crib, which is right next to my side of the bed. Genius. We get our sleep, she gets her own little area to sleep in but she's close enough that her separation anxiety is at bay and she can eat easily. Once she's weaned we'll probably move her into her own room (or area of the apartment if our house isn't finished) but for now; we are all getting a plethora of AWESOME SLEEP and I know Greg and I feel like totally different people. CRA-RAZY.

I think if we tried to move her to a routine when she was younger, it may have worked. I think once she hit about 7 months, it would have been fine. Too young and it would have backfired on us, or resulted in a LOT of crying. In this whole routine / moving to crib business; she only cries if she's overtired and then it's the "I'm frustrated!" cry as opposed to the "I NEED SOMETHING" cry.

So that's what I need to get back to for Elise. And us, as well; but especially for E-bears.