When it comes to religion, I am a private person.
I kept my initial curiousity about Catholicism from everyone I knew. Firstly, I had grown up with a lot of negative information about Catholicism. Secondly, none of my friends were religious in any sense, and were card-carrying atheists. I didn’t want to put up with unending “does God exist” debates. I did not want to lose friendships over that, or over religion in general. So perhaps thats why it came to a shock to some people. Those who lived with me in the halls probably picked up that I was interested in some form of Christianity. Those who did not live with me, who saw my periodically had no clue. At least, not until I told them.
And now my Catholicism has become the elephant in the room. Everyone knows it’s there, and no one wants to talk about it. The interesting thing is that as I’ve become more open about Catholicism, either in real life or in the Blogosphere; I’ve noticed a definite decline of people who converse with me on a regular basis. I don’t go about evangelizing the masses, nor do I tell them they’re Hell-bound. I’ve had Christians say I’m not a Christian (huh?), felt the disapproval from people, and have had to explain myself on more than one occasion why I would want to voluntarily put myself in a position that would require so much from me. Why not be Catholic Lite?
I realize that being a scientist immediately gives people the assumption that one is an atheist. And by not being an atheist in a scientific community breaks one thing I have in common with those around me. Suddenly, everything that comes out of my mouth is suspect, simply because I believe in God. I definately did not choose to convert as a popularity choice. It was a decision three years in the making.
I suppose that as Confirmation gets closer, people will lie lower and lower. And such, as Confirmation passes; I am hoping that they come out from under the shock-rock and begin to associate with me again. I will not lie, it hurts; to have people I love and care about suddenly be unable to deal with me because of something that was present when they originally met me. I just chose not to exercise it, out of confusion and trying to sort myself out.
It’s all sorted out, and everyone scatters. And even though it may hurt, the silence and the words behind my back; it’s all worth it. Converting has unintentionally become a barometer to determine who, in terms of friends; really is my friend.
