Bringing out the brooms
Posted on | August 19, 2006
by | Kim, Obl.O.S.B
This past couple of weeks has been a delightful exercise in why one should not lie solely on their emotions to determine their faith, and whether or not God loves them.
I have been running through the gauntlet of emotions, from “yay” to “so unworthy that there’s no sense in trying to overcome temptations”. The latter opened a nice slippery slope of sins, which was somewhat surprising but in my state, I can’t say I made any attempt to break the habit. Things were pretty dismal.
However, in the last couple of days; things have begun to work themselves out. No magic formulas, no hocus-pocus that people like to state Catholics do – just a lot of tears and internal sufferings. Today I hauled my buns into Confession (which always helps) and was given the “nail on the head” to one of my biggest issues – my temper. Afterwards, I watched the movie about St. Kolbe EWTN was airing, and then went to Adoration. I don’t feel high on God, but rather okay with the fact that I am indeed a poor sinner and thank God for His mercy. And that I should continue to fight the good fight. 
I also did some volunteer work with the less fortunate on Friday. They (whoever they are) always say that a small child shall lead them, and I was led by a small child. I doubt I could ever really verbalize what happened interiorly, but I do understand things in a different light. One that was definitely needed.
It has been pointed to my attention that with a Consecration to Mary comes with the joy that realizing that you are giving yourself to Mary and Jesus. However, nothing bad can approach them. So the cleaner comes out, and things start getting removed that are dirty and evil. It hurts like a dickens, but it’s entirely worth it. I think that the cleaning has been in full force these last couple of weeks.
I would appreciate any prayers anyone can spare for me, not so much for consolations (but hey, if God wants to send them, I’ll take them gratefully!) but rather for perseverance, to endure to the end. Thank you.
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