Friends,
I mentioned recently that I had told my mom about the Benedictines. For the most part, she has been less than thrilled. I did my best to try and get her to understand basic things about the Bennies, like I’m not becoming a nun (if I make it to full Oblation) and that I can marry, have kids, have my degree, etc. I encourage her to watch The Monastery on TLC because for her, she can’t and probably won’t retreat to a Monastery. So the show is the next best thing, even if it is just a show. I do enjoy the show for the record.
Nevertheless. I don’t know if she watched it tonight (last week she didn’t) and just like with converting or mentioning anything about the Church, things turn awkward and such. Rather than how things went with my conversion (being scared to bring up the Church, etc) I am trying to keep her included as much as I can with the process of me becoming an Oblate. I know that I cannot make her watch any shows, read any newsletters or books or anything like that. But I can keep offering her information. Perhaps it is flawed reasoning, but I see it as a ideal thing for her to introduce herself slowly to the Bennies – so that it is a gradual process. When/if Final Oblation comes and she wants to come to Idaho with me, awesome! When she gets there, she could then have a better idea of the Oblates, the Monastery, the Spirituality, and such. Without the background, it may come as an even harder shock to her. I am trying to lessen the blow, when to her she may see me as further getting away from “the family” or the religious equivalent of rebelling or even being showy – ‘my Church has all these different ways to be a disciple, isn’t it grand?’
The one thing that I told her when I was home and will need to keep reminding her is that my becoming an Oblate or a Third Order Secular is not something I chose for me. God chose it for me. It is up to me whether or not I want to follow His will. I view the Oblates and the Third Orders as a deeper commitment to Him, one that is deeper than lip service or bows or even the Holy Rule. This commitment is one that will be hard – it already is – but He feels I need to make it. For my good? For the good of someone I’ll never meet? Who knows, and who cares. All I know is that the good Lord knows that for my eternal lifetime, this is what I need to do. And I trust Him, with my eternity and with my life. He has His reasons.
The journey to Oblation is not going to be easy (between watching my tongue and silence, I don’t know which is harder) and it will only get even more harder. Either God will be with me and help me through it or he will pull me out, through myself or through Fr. H or anyone He chooses. I trust Him. As I go through this journey I learn a lot about me, about Him, and about my family.
I am grateful to Him for it all. May He continue to mold me.
