The last week has been exhausting. This upcoming week looks to be no better.
Today was the last day of class for the Spring Semester. I had written over 50 pages in papers for three different classes, and turned them in Monday and Tuesday. Thursday and today has been spent studying for my finals next week. Three of them, not that bad.
I’ve decided that this summer will be spent trying to get some parts of my life resolved before moving on to the Fall Semester (and my wedding). I’ve rehashed how I’ve gone about my Benedictine Oblate formation. The little mini-retreat I’ve been doing has been very fruitful, and I’ve been working on putting in some silent time in my day. Even if it’s only 15 minutes, it’s time spent with God. Or trying to be with God.
I’m also forcing myself to not multi-task. I had a lot of reading I want to do, but am making myself read one book at a time, and taking my time in finishing them. My hope is that by the time school resumes in the fall, I will be able to focus on one task at a time and give it my full attention. Whether or not this is going to be helpful for me in terms of academics remains to be seen. I have a busy load this fall, with 16 hours of classes (my schedule is changing daily it seems, but I’m pretty well locked into Medical Anthropology, North American Archaeology, Linguistics, Biology, and Seminar), a teaching assistant position for one of the introductory Anthropology classes, and ten hours of tech-support (to make some money to help defray costs). I am hoping that by the fall semester I will be able to really unite my secular (usually school) life with my spiritual life, and hopefully God will have me ready to make full Oblation in the fall. If not, so be it.
At any rate, silence has taken a different meaning for me. It used to be really, really scary – nothing but me and God. However, it’s gotten less scary. It seems like in silence is where I have to confront my pain and my anger, and really start looking into why I have held grudges towards some people and situations, and other things that have stunted my spiritual development. Silence is scary, feeling pain is not fun; but I am understanding that if I want to develop more spiritually, it has to be done.
Since I started trying to implement silent times in the day, some situations I’ve finally been able to let go of, I don’t feel as rushed inside, and I think I’m starting to learn how to handle stress a bit better. I’m not too sure, though; especially since I’m sitting on the verge of a nervous breakdown regarding some grades. Ugh.
It’s too early to see the hidden benefits of silence, but it seems like they’re already beginning to appear. One thing I want to achieve in my life is peace – not holding grudges, learning to let go and forgiveness. Hopefully I’m on the right path to that. 
