I want to write a little post about marriage and the Catholic Church. Very few people in my extended family are Catholic (my deceased uncle and two cousins, that’s about it) and thus may not really “get” why G and I are getting married in a church, in the Catholic Church, having a Nuptial Mass, what to expect, etc. There are also some “customs” that we’re not going with. Perhaps those will be the easiest to get through first:
(Mind you, if you’re into these things, for the love of God don’t take offense. Different strokes for different folks. K?)
G has seen me in my wedding gown. In fact, he took the pictures.
For added fun, we’re greeting the guests before the wedding, we’re taking the pictures before the wedding … so even if he didn’t take the dress pics, he still would have seen me in it before we are married! We’re not buying into superstition, and quite frankly; it’s silly. And impractical. If we were to be superstitious about it, we’d have 30 minutes for pictures after the Mass (versus 90 before), we couldn’t greet our guests (so Gramma may not be able to see me prior to the wedding, which is lame), and other things. Besides, I’m not wanting to keep anything from G, so why would I keep my dress from him? It’s gorgeous!Throwing the garter? Not happening.
EW EW EW EW EW. It reminds me of people throwing panties on the stage at a concert.Face veil or not face veil?
We decided that a face veil is out of the question. The point of veiling comes from the arranged marriages, keeping the mystique until the groom is “permitted” to see the bride. Okay. He’s been seeing my face since August 2006. Why would I hide it now? I’m sure he wants to see my smile on our wedding day (he also is on board with the ‘no face veil’ stance).I will have a veil on the back of my head though. That one I will give to my Dad after the Mass.
Something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue.
Again, it smacks of superstition. What God has joined, ain’t nothing gonna separate it. I’ll trust Him over superstition any day.Throw me the bouquet!
Nope. We’re giving it to the Blessed Virgin during the Mass. Besides, I caught my aunt’s bouquet when I was like, 15. According to superstition, I would be next to get married. HAHAHAHAHAHA, didn’t happen. lulz
I’m sure someone will say I’m making the wedding “not fun” by not having these “traditions” in them. Fun isn’t exactly the aim we’re going for, we’re going for the holy “praise Jesus!” aim here.
Some things that are staying in:
My Dad will walk me down the aisle.
I’m the youngest of my parent’s kids. My older sister is 33, my brother is 29, and I’m 25. My older sister died when she was six and a half in 1980 due to leukemia. My parents never got to see her get married, so me getting married is joyful and bittersweet for them. My Dad wants to walk his daughter down the aisle, and I’m not going to deny him that. Even if my sister was still alive, I still wouldn’t deny him that. I guess that’s referred to as “giving the bride away” to G, which I’m fine with.We’re dancing at the reception.
We’re not Puritans, we’re Catholic. And I’ll dance with my Dad, as well.
I can’t think of any more “traditions” that we’re either including or excluding right now.
Now for the fun part: why we’re doing what we’re doing in the Catholic Church!
What the heck is Pre-Cana?
Think of Pre-Cana as synonym for “Marriage Prep”. Since the Catholic Church does not believe in and allow divorce, it’s rather important that people who are going to be married by the Catholic Church understand what they are consenting to. Our diocese’s Pre-Cana consists of Engaged Encounter or something like it (we had a intensive weekend retreat like thing), counseling (we’re doing ours with Fr. L), and spans six months.Six months may seem like a short time, and it probably is. But, you can gauge if you’re ready to enter into Marriage in that time frame.
Pre-Cana is not a magic “your marriage will hunky-dory!” thing, either. You can go through Pre-Cana and still have a rocky marriage.
I’m not going to debate the Church’s stance on divorce. Annulments are not “Catholic divorces”, either. And they’re not handed out just because your husband left the toilet seat up. And if you’re in an abusive marriage, you are not stuck in it. The Church has sense about what she teaches, for crying out loud.
What’s up with getting married IN the Catholic Church?
All Catholics (even converts like me) are obligated to get married in the Catholic Church. This has nothing to do with the Church being a brat, either. Marriage is a Sacrament. Sacraments are public celebrations. Marriage is the only Sacrament of the Church where the people confer it on each other. The priest does not marry people, the bride and groom marry each other. The priest is there simply as a witness.This doesn’t mean that you can get married sans priest. So don’t be all thinking that. There are norms to follow if you want to say you’re Catholic – and that includes getting married in the Catholic Church with a priest present.
And don’t fear – Catholic/non-Catholic weddings can have the non-Catholic person’s religious clergy there, as well. The Catholic Church is not a mega annoying monolith who seeks to control everything (although some people may think otherwise).
