It’s hard to believe that by most counts, yesterday was the beginning of the third trimester. It seems like some aspects of this pregnancy has flown by, other times it’s crawled by. It’s hard to believe that my due date is in three months (whether or not we’ll get there or go beyond is out of my control). For the most part, people are happy. Some aren’t, which hurts; but there’s really not much I can do about it.
It seems almost like that there is a lot going on with my spiritual life right now. Sometimes I wonder how things are going to be different after Elise arrives. I know they will, but how is what remains to be seen. I don’t think that it’s any coincidence that as I nurture a new life in me, God is working on nurturing my spiritual life. It seems there is a lot of negative things happening right now – I know I’ve been awfully angsty at times and I’m hesitant to chalk it solely up to pregnancy hormones. It’s almost as if nearly everyone’s true colors are flying loud and proud, and it’s up to me to react appropriately. I like to think I’ve gotten better about how I handle certain situations, particularly the ones I’m in. As we all know, the Passion of Christ is quite near and dear to me. I just relate better to Him that way. I guess that all the pain that has been going on serves me well: not only do I learn more about dealing with it and myself, I get to think about Christ a lot more than I would if everything was going swimmingly. 
Fr. G mentioned in Confession recently that I am very self-aware about how I handle certain events. My problem is dealing with the self-awareness. I don’t grudge out but I know that I often mentally toss about situations and ideas in my head long after I need to. Last week was particularly bad – but Confession has helped me get back on course. Another one of the hidden beauties of the Sacrament of Mercy. It was probably the fastest Confession I’ve had but definitely helpful. Pray for Fr. G – I spent 75 minutes waiting for him to hear my Confession, nevermind that the Confession time for Saturday is an hour. He is actually being transferred to a parish close to where I was living for University – they are very blessed to have him and his dedication to Christ and His Church.
My goal for now is to not let people get me down, try as they might. A lot of people appear to be holding me responsible for their reactions (go figure that one out) and while it has gotten to me in the past, it’s nice to remember that it’s not always about me. Obviously some people have beefs with me, some don’t. It’s not up to me to worry about who has the beef and who doesn’t. I am finding it more easy to be the one left in the dark, pushed away and forgotten about. Life becomes easier, even if it means it has to be harder for a while as I grieve what’s going on. In 90 days (give or take some weeks) my life will be all about Elise even moreso than it is now.
Deo gratias.
