The Little Way of Motherhood

Posted on | November 14, 2008
by | Kim, Obl.O.S.B

The early part of the week was kind of rough. The latter part of the week, not so much.

Greg and I have really been able to stick to our prayer routine and have successfully managed to include Morning Prayer. This involves me waking up at 6 or 7a, but I have been successful in doing just that. Usually I end up napping with Elise after Greg goes to work, so it all works out in the end. Before we turn in for the night is Night Prayer and a Rosary. I came to the realization in the wee hours of the morning that while I’ve adjusted pretty well to Motherhood, my spiritual life was slow in adjusting. I was so used to having a lot of prayer time, and having uninterrupted Mass. And not that I would change anything, it’s kind of a shock to the system to have everything change in a matter of a few minutes. However. Elise’s non-schedule has helped me to make time to pray. When I was in school I had my classes and work. When it was done, it was done (except for homework). I went to bed at the same time and woke up around the same time. Nowadays, I don’t have a clue if Elise will sleep from 8p-1a (Wednesday night) or 8p-4a (last night). Thus, when opportunities present me for prayer, I take them. Everything else that I have to do (laundry, dishes, vacuuming, etc) gets done, almost as if the day becomes longer somehow.

I expect my prayer life to change as Elise gets older. When she was little little, I had more time and help to pray more. Now that she’s almost three months old (WHAT?!) and is up more in the daytime; she takes priority. And through taking care of her, I give God something far sweeter than my prayers.

Since Elise was born I have been coming to the realization that I need silent time with God. I used to get it at Mass, but now that Elise is cooing at everything (parishioners, God, the altar boys, the books, Greg, me, her hands, you get the picture); I’ve had to get my silent time with Him during the day, during her naps. And usually I end up getting drowsy and need a nap, so I only get about five minutes with Him. But it is so, so worth it. Hard – I’m usually distracted or whatnot – but entirely worth it. I’ve found that tons of patience comes out of no where (long-time readers know I AM NOT PATIENT) and I’m much more at peace in the day, instead of a whirlwind of action and compulsively getting things DONE.

I have come to the conclusion that my prayers are small and weak. But I do know that what I’m doing in terms of praying, taking care of Greg and Elise (and myself, as well); that’s worth more to God than any prayer I can say. My goal in life – my vocation – is to help get my husband and children to Heaven. I think I really understand St. Therese the Little Flower’s “Little Way” a bit deeper now. Every dirty diaper, ever glass washed, every load of towels done; if done with love for my family and God can be used by Him in ways I cannot imagine.

I suppose it sounds like I’m whining, mourning my former prayer life. I don’t want it back, because if it did come back, it would mean either Elise would not be here or I would not be taking care of her. I will have time to return to that kind of a prayer life after she and her siblings are grown and Greg and I are empty nesters. The time will come. Until then, I will go with the flow of God, where He leads me. I will take His hand, and His mother’s in the Rosary and let them show me where to go. Let go, and let God.

The most important thing for me to keep in mind is that when God changes my prayer life, to recognize it and to follow. Not fight Him. Follow Him.

God is good.

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