Pruning and Purifying
Posted on | March 29, 2009
by | Kim, Obl.O.S.B
I’m almost finished with The Benedictine Handbook. It’s an incredible resource, and the essays remind me of the essays found in Essential Monastic Wisdom by Fr. Hugh Feiss (albeit slightly different, of course). I can understand why John appreciates this book. There are a few sections that really spoke to me, that require further digestion and lectio; but for now, I’m deeply impressed. I just wish that the translation was different! But, that’s okay. 
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Further purifying and purging going on in my life. There are many different things that I need to get rid of, things that are in essence; holding me back from the person who God created me to be (old news to my Facebook friends). It seems that a lot of things, events, and people have bullied me into silence or fear, by what they say, what they don’t say; and the amount of control I let stuff have over me. I feel like I have been carrying around too much baggage of this world, of stuff in the past that still affects me, and circumstances that I have unintentionally let affect me.
Maybe it’s nothing more than a glorified identity crisis, but rather than look to self-help books and people to determine identity; it’s time to look at the One who gave me my identity and go from there. This will include a lot of things that my human nature would rather not do, such as sit in silence and listen to God; but it has to be done. There is just too much chaos going on inside right now to just push to the side. When I try and find the root of the chaos, it’s how I’ve reacted to stuff (granted, that’s how it is for everyone). But how I’ve reacted is unsatisfying, and I think I am getting the message I cannot do this by myself. I need the One who created me to do this with me.
I also look at our beautiful little Elise and I know that she will look to Greg and I to understand how to be in this culture, how to be a Catholic in a culture where Catholicism is looked down upon and religion in general is regarded as a “crutch”, “fairy tale” or a “farce”. She will look to me in a different way than Greg in that I am her mother, and she has the most time spent with me. Everything I do and say has an impression on her.
I am purposely leaving the comments open on this one – maybe that’s where I want to go back to. I think having comments off serves as a time of retreat, for deeper reflection and keeping the outside distractions at a minimum. Maybe I’m ready to get back in with dialogue and conversation, to pare off layers and layers of secular junk to find what God has created at the inside.
Comments
6 Responses to “Pruning and Purifying”
Associations
March 30th, 2009 @ 5:37 am
Hello Kim,
First, I am happy to see the comments (on this one anyway
opened again! I fully understand why you shut them down though!
It sounds like you are going through some rough times inside yourself right now. From what I see in your writings it seems you are going down the right path, of opening yourself more to God, and trying to listen to him more.
Don’t worry about your past actions and responses to things. Once you give them up to God, through confessions with your Priest, and/or through direct prayer to God in the Trinity, they are done with. Learn from them, and do all you can not to repeat them, but don’t let them bother you. And don’t make excuses for them either!
God, once you confess to him (directly or through the Priest), forgives you of them, and moves on, so you should move on as well!
There are people out there, starting with Greg and your Priest that are there to help you through these issues!
In Christ,
Don
March 30th, 2009 @ 6:46 am
Blessings and peace be with you as you sort through these things! Turning to God and trying to “be still and know” is probably the best thing you can do.
Being a parent is such an awesome responsibility, isn’t it? Children certainly sanctify their parents… my children have truly been my path to Heaven. Everything I do seems to carry so much more weight now.
March 30th, 2009 @ 10:51 am
Maybe it’s because I’ve been inspired by True Devotion to the Blessed Virgin or just who knows, but while preparing to receive Our Lord in the Eucharist on Saturday, that I would do something extra for Him each week. He picks, I do it. By the end of the d
March 30th, 2009 @ 10:53 am
Thanks Don. I have been going to Confession, which has been helping bit by bit.
“Learn from them, and do all you can not to repeat them, but don’t let them bother you. And don’t make excuses for them either!”
I absolutely need to remember this. I should print it out or something.
Thank you for this.
March 30th, 2009 @ 10:56 am
Thanks Lerin. I want to go to Adoration on Friday, although I’m not sure how Elise would handle it. She likes to be mobile and *do things*. I need to go when she’s sleepy, so I can just put her in the Ergo and do my Adoration that way.
Parenthood (speaking for Greg here, but I’m sure he’ll agree with me) is indeed the most incredible thing we have embarked on. There are so many bad habits (mainly blowing up with anger and profanity) that I desperately do NOT want to pass along to Elise!
God bless.
April 13th, 2009 @ 7:24 am
Christ is risen! Alleluia! I hope everyone had a wonderful Triduum and a very holy Easter Sunday. We definitely did over here, and now we have Easter for what – 50 days? As evidenced by some of my posts, my Lent was quite hard but I’m glad that it was