Be Joyful!
Posted on | March 30, 2009
by | Kim, Obl.O.S.B
Maybe it’s because I’ve been inspired by True Devotion to the Blessed Virgin or just who knows, but while preparing to receive Our Lord in the Eucharist on Saturday, that I would do something extra for Him each week. He picks, I do it. By the end of the day, I already had received both Him and what He would like me to do for this week: be joyful.
Last week was incredibly draining and hard, and I think the catalyst for yesterday’s post on pruning. I find it interesting that we are now in Passiontide, where we begin to prepare ourselves deeply for Good Friday and the Resurrection, where extras are cut out and we are shown our humanity. So while I do not expect much of anything notable to happen in the next two weeks (God may have other plans, though), I find it fitting that as statues become veiled and we draw closer to Good Friday, extra junk and baggage is removed and I can become refocused on Pure Happiness, Pure Love, Pure Mercy, Pure Truth, Pure Justice.
Anyways. On the heels of last week, I’m finding it extra hard to be joyful. I want to be pissed off at both God and the World. While I know God can handle my puny anger, I don’t exactly think it would be beneficial for me. It’s as if I’m looking for a scapegoat in life, someone to blame other than myself; so why not God. And I’m not talking about total depravity, either. I’m talking about looking back at my choices, choices I could have easily made different, but chose to go the easy, wide road instead of the hard, narrow one.
Buyer’s remorse, perhaps; of poor choices.
But there is a lot to be joyful about. I have been having extremely hard (=full of tears) Confessions with Monsignor which stem from nothing but the sheer reality and horror of what I’ve done. My goal is to track down Monsignor and ask him if he or another priest in the city does Spiritual Direction, because I think it’s time I get a Spiritual Director. There is Joy in hearing the words of Absolution, of Christ Himself counseling me in Confession and leaving knowing that it’s done, God has forgotten it, and I can rejoice.
My biggest fault right now is caring too much about the past and being too hung up on the future. Mother Angelica and Archbishop Fulton Sheen, my spiritual parents both talk about living in the now. Mother Angelica calls it the “Sacrament of the Present Moment”. God may have an easy time forgiving and forgetting, I myself, not so much.
So perhaps by Easter Morning I can forgive myself and just live in the now. Be joyful for each moment I have on this earth, because at any time the Good Lord can call me off of it. Joyful that I have His Church and Him truly present in the Eucharist. Joyful of Elise and Greg and our little family that exists both on earth and in Heaven, where our little Saint prays for us unceasingly.
This week, the Good Lord wishes me to be joyful at a time where the Universal Church intensifies Her preparation for the Passion and Resurrection. Surely, there is a good reason for this – which is of course, the joy in the Passion and Resurrection.
Comments
3 Responses to “Be Joyful!”
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April 1st, 2009 @ 5:49 am
Hello Kim,
Wow, thanks for sharing such personal info about your tribulations right now!
It is OK to be mad at God for something you feel He did or didn’t do, but remember, He did give us free will, and that is what you used to make your earlier choices, they were not His choices.
You have made your best choice yet by finding Him, and moving closer to him each day. In that you are having such a hard time right now reviewing your past shows how much closer to Him you are now. Look at it that way, and not at how “bad” you were then, but how good you are now.
During confession it is important to remember that once you have confessed a past sin, and the Priest has resolved you of those sins, that they are over for you. You should not confess them again and you should let them go. I know, in this case it may be hard to do, but try to! You will feel better about yourself if you do. God, I am sure, already feels good with you, having given you two great children, one now serving him in person, and a great husband!
Celebrate Jesus’ Resurrection with Joy and Happiness, and count it as your Resurrection as well, which it was!
In Christ,
Don
April 4th, 2009 @ 12:00 pm
I know. I don’t reconfess (although when I have the temptation to do so, I bring that up instead!), but it’s more of a horror of how I’ve treated Our Lord that brings me down. Uber compunction? I don’t know. I’m going to ask Monsignor (if he’s celebrating Mass this weekend) if he knows of any spiritual directors up here. I think that will really help me out.
April 13th, 2009 @ 7:24 am
Christ is risen! Alleluia! I hope everyone had a wonderful Triduum and a very holy Easter Sunday. We definitely did over here, and now we have Easter for what – 50 days? As evidenced by some of my posts, my Lent was quite hard but I’m glad that it was