I’m expecting something really bad to happen in the next few weeks (see also, this prayer request). I’m really praying that things don’t turn out as bad as I’m expecting them, and it is so. incredibly. hard not to be so nervous and anxious. Every day I wonder “will this be the day?” – and when the day ends and nothing has happened, I thank God and try and sleep. Repeat the same sequence the next day, and the next, and the next. I don’t think I’ve ever really been in a position where I am now, reacting how I am and basically clinging to God with all I have.
Thankfully, having Elise tearing around the apartment has done a phenomenal job on distracting me, to a point. Times like now, when she’s napping; are incredibly hard because that’s when my mind tends to run in overdrive.
I know in the end, regardless of the outcome; that it’s God’s Will. And that’s what I want to do – and only do. Sometimes I need to remember that – no matter what happens, He will always do what’s best for me, for Greg, for Elise (or should I say, für Elise). I want to teach her to do God’s Will, even when it’s painful, confusing, frustrating, and there’s absolutely no clue what He’s up to. Trusting God doesn’t mean I turn into a robotic ‘YES GOD WHATEVER YOU SAY GOD’ without emotion or feeling. I mean, I have my ‘plans’ – I like to think I know what’s best for me, but in the eternal view of things, I naturally don’t know. Elise would love it if I let her play with my dressmaker’s shears; I on the other hand, know that’s not a good thing for her to be playing with.
I can’t help but think of Our Lady, when the Archangel Gabriel appeared to her and told her that her son, would be the Son of God. What did she feel? Was she overwhelmed? Was she scared of the outcome? Was she worried about St. Joseph’s reaction? Probably. But, she still submitted herself to the will of God, and brought forth the New Adam, the Savior of Mankind.
I may not be very good at following God’s Will, but at least He gives me many, many opportunities to practice! 
I originally posted this as a draft. It sat in the drafts folder, silently mocking me until I could switch it from ‘draft’ to ‘publish’. Believe me, there were PLENTY of times I wanted to make that switch. But alas, I practiced some mad self-discipline an
I really want to write more about A Mother’s Rule of Life by Holly Pierlot. As I mentioned, I’ve read it in record time and have been working on implementing it. Mrs. Pierlot breaks her married vocation down into five points: Prayer, Person, Partner, Pare
Greg recently informed me that there have been 10,010 days since I was born. What was I doing on that 10,000th day? Most likely being anxious. Interesting. I don’t know how many days I have left on this earth, but is being anxious – extremely anxious – a
A brief note to thank everyone for the prayers for my special intention, and also for the anxiety I am currently going through. While things are both not letting up nor explainable here, they are getting better. Things aren’t as choked with anxiety, and t
I’m trying to give it all to Him … so hard though, so hard.
Having that worry of something bad happening soon is hard to live with day to day. Instead of sweating it, give it 100% over to God and let it happen as he wants!! (Making Elise busy is His helping you refocus, but do it on your own, by giving it up!!) (I know, easier said by me at a distance than done by me in person if it were my issues on the line!!)
In Christ, Don
Thank you!
Uh-oh. I hope things turn out for the best, whatever they are. Still praying for you.