Justification Mode Engage!

With the realization that Elise is most likely moving from a two-nap schedule to a one-nap schedule, I know I need to rework my prayer routine. I’m kind of chappy behind the ears about this, because I basically have been soaking in the “I have the best prayer routine for my needs and my state in life right now” for a mere three weeks. It’s not too early, not too late, not too long or short, allows for what I need to feed me, relatively distraction free … ahhh, perfect.

I have to admit it, once I realized that it was going to have to change, I got a little owly. And whiny. “If God wants me to pray, to talk to Him, especially when He’s acting like He’s on vacation, WHY does He feel compelled to shake things up and basically ‘steal’ my prayer time!” And other cute little whines.

After the day ended and ushered in probably the worst night of sleep I have ever had; I had more than enough time to muse on my anger about God ‘stealing’ my prayer time. Having a regular prayer time has always been challenging for me, and just when I get on top of things – aka, I stop justifying doing everything BUT praying – WHAMO. It’s gone. The funny thing is that rather than just say “well, this is how motherhood rolls, do I want to wake up an hour before Elise does and pray then or trying praying at the end of the day?”, I immediately went back into Justification Mode.

I’ll skip writing out my list out my justifications as to why I absolutely HAVE TO have Elise’s morning nap as my prayer time, trust me when I say they’re really petty and kind of embarrassing, actually. Things like “but I don’t like waking up early” and “Vespers just isn’t my cup of tea” are on it.

Needless to say, I thought I had done Awesome Stuff by getting prayer time set up and preciously guarded, only to find out that I maybe had it TOO preciously guarded and need to just suck up and get out of Justification Mode. There are a plethora of other little time pockets that I can easily pray in. I just need to watch out for them and use them when they occur. It’s not rocket science.

And perhaps because the Good Lord just wanted me to realize that I need to be flexible with my prayer time and not immediately resort back to Justification Mode when things get all jumbled around; Elise took her normal morning nap. Just as if the last few days of “I hate my morning nap and will not take it” didn’t even exist.