A Loss for Words

I’m sure to most people, I come off very cold. At least, at first. I’ve always been shy and definitely not a “people person” (groups of people wear me out, honestly). I have a lot of social anxiety and despite many sessions of cognitive behavioral therapy in college, it’s still something I struggle with. You’d be surprised if I detailed how agonizing it is for me to make a phone call under ordinary circumstances. It’s not surprising then, that the main venue for me to hash out things, work out problems, or vent is through writing. The paper is much more patient and forgiving than people, I’ve found.

Over the past couple of days, situations have been presented to me that leave me at a loss for words. I suppose it gives the impression that I don’t care, I’m not interested, or am not affected by what’s happening; when on the inside it’s the opposite. Sometimes I feel like a poor friend, a bad wife, or whatever simply because I just … lose my words. I don’t know if I’ve lost friends over all this but I wouldn’t be surprised if I had.

There is one thing that I can do, which is pray. I do pray hard for the people in those situations and the situations for themselves. I never really know how to pray for them but at least the Good Lord knows my downfalls and my lack of words. Not that I need any words, for that matter.

Maybe in the future I’ll be less anxious and have words to say in situations, when they come up. But until then, I try not to worry about it, and make sure I’m praying.