A Fruitful Lent

Today is the Third Monday of Lent, and I’ve had ample opportunity to reflect on how Lent has been thus far. One on hand, it’s been a harder Lent than usual, thanks to random bouts of Braxton-Hicks contractions, the effects on me physically, mentally, and spiritually that being this pregnant has had, and a few other struggles with myself. Despite that, it has been absolutely phenomenal – I can see clearer and clear the things that separate me from the love of Our Lord but rather than feel overwhelmed by it all, I feel humbled knowing that God is helping me root them out and cast them into the fire, so to speak.

Little One’s pregnancy makes this Lent extra challenging because I’m a hormonal cup of tea and often have false labor. I’m sure you can see how that alone makes for a tired, frustrated person; and it is so easy to use that as a scapegoat and just be nasty to everyone around me. Some times I feel like it’s a giant drag to be faithful to my prayer routine and my Lenten disciplines; but it is at those times particularly that I know I need to pray and do them, and it is in those times that I find the deepest blessings and reap the greatest fruit.

I’m not entirely sure what’s going to happen when Little One decides to breathe air, but I know it will be vital for me to stick with my prayer routine and Lenten disciplines. And I know that God will give me the grace (and energy) to do so, as long as I remain open to Him. He has so much to give me, beyond my imagination; as long as I stay open to Him. He has yet to lead me into error or away from Him … but like most humans, I still find it hard to be open to Him. Or at least, be fully open to Him. I still care (too much) about what other people think, and I know it’s something I need to deal with. And I know what’s keeping me from actually dealing with it – maybe I should spent the remaining part of Lent whittling it away.