Goals for the New Year

Another reason why I love the New Year is that everyone gets all excited about goals and setting them and (hopefully) achieving them. Over the years I’ve become more focused with my goals, rather than the ambiguous ones (“pray more”) or the impossible ones. Goals not met are still good for me to experience, because I can see what I’m lacking and that in itself can become a goal.

I told Greg the other week that if I have to be on not baby-friendly meds for any span of time of a few years or “for life” (that’s another post, but when the doctor who is very against long-term medication says “Kim, you may need this for the rest of your life”; you can be assured that it’s probably for a very good reason); that I don’t want to just be mopey and blah. The depression makes that way easier, and that’s just not fun. The Good Lord has handed me this Cross, and I still have to carry it. Wanking won’t change anything, so what’s the point.

I see this in the same light about Parkinson’s Disease. There is a (good) chance I’ll most likely develop it at some point in my life. It’s not certain though. And I don’t want to go through life thinking “what if! What IF!” I’d go insane. So, in the interim I want to live life intentionally – fully – so that (God forbid) if I do develop Parkinson’s, that I will have lived my life to that point in cheer, not fear.

So there’s my motivation. Let’s talk about some of my New Year’s Goals.

1. I want to get into some form of shape. I’m not talking losing weight here. I’m talking about exercising three times a week, just something to get myself moving (especially in the mornings). Exercise is good for depression and anxiety, and I’m assuming the Third Diagnosis since it’s also an anxiety disorder.

(Besides, Greg works out with weights every morning which is always nice and he’s some good-lookin’ motivation for getting myself into shape. Just not with weights.)

2. Blogging consistently. Now that I feel like a functional human being again, I want to get back in the saddle of my blog here. I really, truly love to write and find it very beneficial for me. My goal is two times a week – and I’ve been doing quite good for the last week. Or two. I think writing regularly will help me plow through writer’s block that crops up and just keep me in the habit.

3. Be more open with my mental health “stuff”.  I’m talking mainly offline, but online, too. I’m in the camp of “if everyone keeps hush hushing this, everything will remain stigmatized.” And yes, I see the irony of not revealing the Third Diagnosis (afraid of stigma, hell0). I have heard way too many times in passing that “I don’t get why So-and-So is depressed, he has God in his life.” or “Just spend more time outside and all your problems will be cured!” or my favorite “Anyone who works in psychiatry is a complete idiot and you’re just being duped and made addicted to drugs that are essentially a placebo.”

So let me clear the air on a few things:

• I am not dangerous to anyone or myself.
• You will not “catch” what I have.
• Yes really, my mental disorders are due to an imbalance of brain chemicals. Outside factors influence them such as caffeine or stress, but at the core of my brain’s biology, there’s something a little awry.
• I don’t mind talking about it and if I know you well enough, I’ll be more than happy to tell you about the Third Diagnosis. I don’t mind answering questions, even if they seem weird or intrusive.

Knowledge is power, baby. And the more you know, the less “scary” mental health issues are.

4. Learn more about Elise and Benedict’s temperaments and parent them accordingly. Likewise, I want to learn about child development because a lot of what they’re going through is normal (such as Benedict’s incredible separation anxiety).

5. Pray more, wank less. Pretty self-explanatory, I think.